Can't sleep

Even though I ran my ass off today at work, I can't sleep. It was so busy today and my body is exhausted. But, when I lay down to sleep, it just didn't happen. Then my friend Sarah came over for about an hour, and now I'm still wide awake!!! What is wrong with me? I didnt go to sleep till 7:30 yesterday morning and got up at one. I should be tired!!! My body clock sucks balls.

........

Ah vacation. As is typical with every vacation, I make plans to do so much, but as soon as I have a taste of sitting on my ass and doing nothing, that's what I do for the majority of it. I have been cleaning a little bit, in the anticipation that someday someone other than myself is going to see my apartment and be shocked for life. The problem is that I really can make a lot of mess, relatively fast, and I have no idea how! I really wish it would get warm out again so that I could open up the windows and get some fresh air in here. It's the middle of April, and yet the snow continues on. I'm really not happy with that, especially since my birthday is coming up on Friday, and I would like it to be nice. It is, after all, April. You would think that the snow would about done by now. It's not snowing now, but when I got up this morning there were gigantic snowflakes coming down! It's bullshit.

As this is the millionth breakup that I have endured, I really wish that this time I could get used to the living by myself situation. Unfortunately, it's boring as hell to come home and sit by myself. Since the breakup, I really haven't stayed at home much. I've either been going out, or hanging out at someone else's apartment, like my friend Sarah. I think tonight I should go shopping for some decorations for my apartment. The walls are pitifully boring. I also need to get some curtains. I feel like white trash with blankets over my windows, but that certainly wasn't my doing. My bedroom isn't in the room it is supposed to be in, it's reversed with the living room, so there had to be some switching of the drapes and now I have no curtains at all in my living room. Its lovely. I'm sure my neighbors enjoy me running around my apartment in my pajamas all the time. SOunds like it might be a guy's fantasy, but when your not exactly svelte, I imagine it to be a nightmare.

Money

I wish everyone had unlimited money. Yes, that's what everyone wishes for, but honestly, at this point, I would love to get a trainer. Ya know, someone to whip me into shape so that I couldn't make stupid excuses to not work out. Well, we all know that isn't going to happen, especially in light of my new and unimprove money situation, but a girl can dream can't she? I guess another thing that I could hope for is some rich distant relative who wants to give me a lot of money. Also not going to happen, but come on! It seems like all the wrong people get money. Or, they win the lottery and they're 100 years old, and then they die. Yeah. Super. Life sucks. Anyone giving out money?

hrm...

I'm tired. And bored. Life is pretty boring in general. I really don't do anything, and yet I find crap to write about on here. Does anyone read it? I don't think so. But, sometimes, it's nice to get your thoughts down on "paper." Of course, it's not real paper (obviously) but who knows? I really need to start working out. There is nothing that is holding me back from working out, especially this week and next week, but Im pretty sure I won't go. I want to enjoy my week off from school and I'll probably go out every day. Right now, I have plans to go out with my friends...oh, the next3 days. Great. I need to rein that in, because now that I pay all the bills, I can't be spending a ton of money. Ech.

The Villagers

I am addicted to Yahoo! Games. It's horrible. I go on the site to see what new games are on there, and I love all the games, so I buy them. Then, I have no money. It sucks! Damn that Yahoo! I was debating getting rid of my cable now that I am living on my own, but I don't know if I could deal with no VH1. I love VH1. They get all the shows after they've been on, like America's Next Top Model and The Search for the Next Coyote Ugly. It's great!

Food Network

I heart the food network. It's my inner housewife talking. Even though I can't cook worth a damn, and I'm generally lazy, I love to watch these people cook! It's so much fun!

cleaning part 2

I've finally realized why I live in such squalor. I am addicted to my computer!!! I could have gotten a lot done today, and yet here I sit on my laptop, glued to the TV watching I love New York. I don't know why I sit here for hours on end. There is really nothing for me to do on the internet besides checking my e-mail, myspace, facebook, and blogging, and that is pretty much it. It doesn't really matter since I'm on break from school, but I want to get the cleaning over and done with so I can enjoy my vacation. And, on Thursday, my mom is having surgery on her foot, so I have to be up there all day so I won't be able to clean at all. Eh, I have a lot of time still.

cleaning

I have to clean the squalor of my apartment. And I am not happy. I would like to be just sitting on my ass, watching the I love New York marathon. But no. My apartment is so disgusting, so I really need to do something about it. Janelle might come over to watch the finale of the show, and I don't really want anyone to see how gross it is here. It's kind of embarassing actually. Soon enough though, I should be done with all of that.

Stuff...

Now that I am single, I certainly am going to have a lot of time to do...well, nothing. I am on break from school for about a week and a half, starting on Wednesday. Of course, I have to clean the mess that Gib left in the apartment for me, so that is certainly something to do. I am really just very annoyed with the whole situation right now. It's actually lonely at the apartment without him, but I guess I just need to get used to that. I can't stay in a relationship where I am not happy and eventually, he wouldn't be happy either. I am kinda pissed that he managed to break my fucking keyboard on my laptop. He was going to get it fixed, and now, of course, he will not. So, that sucks. Oh well. Shit happens, I guess. I'm just not in a good place right now. How fucking cliche is that? I need to clean this disgusting apartment. I'm sure I'll be back to rant more later

Rah

OK...so, I recently broke up with my boyfriend. And, I feel like an asshole. It's sucks. I had the most random night out tonight with my friends, but it was fun. I'm not quite sure what to do at this pont. I've almost come to the conclusion that I just need to be single, like that's just what I need to do. What is fucking wrong with me???

Drunk

Hm...well, since I have to get up at 10 a.m. tomorrow, I don't know WHY I am up now. Unfortunately, I went out tonight even though I have to get up tomorrow and go to class, as well as do my stupid internship at the school. Great idea. The good thing is I have off soon for my spring break from JCC so that will be a welcome break from everything. I did have fun tonight, only problem is getting up tomorrow! Gr...Does anyone even read this thing, or am I writing it for myself?

Gained

Well, I gained today at WW. It's garbage. And I know what the problem is. I don't exercise or watch my portion sizes! I want to lose at least 40 pounds for the wedding I have to go to this summer!!! I had to go to three weddings last summer and the pictures of me were not so flattering as a fat girl. That needs to stop. I only gained 0.2 pounds, obviously not a big deal, but I don't like setbacks this early in the game!! Tomorrow, I'm taking it up a notch!

Nervous

Ah...I have to start my 20 hour "internship" at school four today. And I am nervous. At least I don't have to go far. Kids scare me. I have no idea why I decided to do one at an elementary school first!!! Gr...

work....

I hate working. It's so nice to be back in school and only have to work 2 days a week for awhile. Of course, I know it can't last, but it's so nice for now...Until today rolls around and I DO have to go to work. The hardest thing about being on a diet is working in a restaurant and seeing all the food, all day long. Gr...

Getting serious now...

Not really serious, just serious about the exercise. For some absolutely bizarre reason, I was awake this morning at 7:30 a.m. Why???? I don't have class until 11:30 (if I choose to go, which I just may not, it's damn freezing out!!!) and I don't go to the gym in the morning. But, here I was at 8 a.m. trekking to the gym. I figured, what the hell, I might as well go while I'm up, before I have the whole day to formulate an excuse for not going. I sent a thread on 3fatchicks.com asking if anyone ran, and if they did, how they started doing it and I got a bunch of replies back telling me to go to the coolrunning website, so I did, and signed up for their couch to 5K program. It's supposed to get you running three miles in 9 ish weeks. I went today for my first workout. Holy hell. I am so out of shape it's not even funny. Ever since Sunday when I went to the batting cages with my boyfriend, my back feels like it wants to snap in half. While I know that being sore is good (not pain sore, just sore)it's a bitch to get through. But, I really want to run. It seems like people that run definitely have better bodies, and I want a better body so...Seems obvious right? I weighed in yesterday at WW and I lost 5.2 pounds! Yay me! I tend to do very well on WW because I don't like the idea of someone telling me that I gained weight, so I really pay attention to my diet. I do know that it happens on WW sometimes. I just need to figure out WHY I stop going to the Weight ins. I do so well, but then one day, I just decide, I'm not going to go this week, I'll go next week, and before I know it, it's 4 weeks later and I've gained some weight and I don't wanna go weigh in now and everything spirals out of control. I need to nip that in the bud NOW. Any suggestions??

Hungry

Well, today is my weigh in day and I have to go at 1:30. Unfortunately, I have it in my head that if I eat something, I will weigh more. Actually, this is true. I weigh myself obsessively some days (I know it's not good, I'm working on it). If I don't eat anything, I will remain lighter. Once I eat something, I gain some weight. While I know it is water weight, I don't want that water weight to show up on the scale at WW. So, here I sit, hungry, hungry, hungry. I am looking forward to my splurge today. My friend Sarah and I usually go out to eat on one of her days off and today is the day and I'm excited. I love chicken fingers, wings, etc, in medium sauce with ranch, so that is what I am getting for lunch. And, probably other stuff, because I can. Some people view this as defeating the purpose of a diet, but unfortunately, I do not yet have the willpower to deny myself all junk food. If I limit it to one day a week, it doesn't throw me off track, since I start over again tomorrow, and I tend to get it out of my system. Besides, I can bore everyone with my writing :-) I measured myself last week when I started WW and I figured I might as well post my measurements on here and then in about a month I'll check them again and see if I have lost any inches.

Waist 32
Hips 42
Right Thigh 25

I did not measure my bust, because that is not what I am worried about. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who, as soon as they start losing significant amounts of weight, begins to resemble a flat chested boy. Lovely. Oh well. A small price to pay for being skinny. More later when I find out how much I lost.

Food Network

Even though I just posted on here, I thought of something else. I love the food network. Why do I punish myself? There is always something interesting on and unfortunately, I love useless facts about stuff, no matter what it is. I am starving right now, I can't sleep, and here I sit, on the internet, watching the Food Network. Man, I'm a glutton for punishment. I think the whole idea that I love about a blog is writing about everything that happens in my life. As a child, I always had a diary and I like to write in general. That is, I like to write if I have something to write about. I am currently a college student and Im debating on which subject I want to major in for an education degree. I love history and english, but I'm not sure what it is about English that I love. I love to read, obviously, if you've seen my book list, but I hate the technical MLA crap that you have to learn to prevent plagairism. Gr...but, then I love history so it's a toss up. Well, I certainly have enough time to worry about it. I recently went back to school and I basically have to start over at the beginning. OK, now I'm going to attempt to write a paper, even though it is 1:38 a.m.

Hello Readers!

Hello everyone. While I am not sure how many people will read this, I am hoping that blogging will keep me accountable to my diet. I recently started Weight Watchers for...oh, about the 7th time, I think. It has worked well for me in the past, but for some reason or another, I have always stopped short of my goal. I weighed in at 173 last week and I am hoping to lose about 43 lbs. My dream weight is actually 125, but I am optimistic enough to realize that I may not get down that far. I hope to improve my health with exercise and healthier eating. Main problem: I LOVE junk food. I love it. It's so awful, but even though I grew up with a mother who made sure I had veggies and healthy stuff for dinner, I always begged for the bad stuff. I love Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and can, sadly enough, finish an entire pint in one sitting. No more of that. What I usually do, is eat according to my points during the week, Tuesday through Monday and then after I get weighed, I use that as a splurge day. It gives me something to look forward to, and eventually, I don't even crave too terrible of food, the longer I am on the diet. What I really need to do, is get my booty into the gym!!! Only problem is, I hate the gym. I love to play sports, but unfortunately, my area is kind of limited in terms of women's recreational sports, aside from college sports and high school sports. There are a million men's teams in the area, but not so many for women. I'll be back tomorrow with my weigh in information!!!